They Cage The Animals at Night

I just finished this book a little while ago. Other than the book I read a couple of weeks ago I have not read a book cover to cover in a long time. I find it so interesting how books can lull you way from what you know as 'life' and plop you right into the story...and every line seems to question what you already know as true. This book in particular is about the struggles of a boy as he is pushed from orphanage to orphanage through emotional battles as his mom was ill. Interestingly there were what they call "rules" within these homes. There was also advice shot to him through people throughout this journey that I found particularly interesting.

One piece of advice was given by his first friend he made. He was told to never make any friends, and forget people as soon as they leave because it hurts twice as bad when they are gone. Its interesting because I have struggled with this own "rule" I have placed within myself so that I wouldn't get hurt through the years. He was later given two other bits of advice from friends some years later. The first was that if you never let anyone in, you loose the chance of feeling the joy of having someone know you. You untimely loose the opportunity to feel loss which is worse then never feeling it to begin with. The second person told the boy that he had millions of friends. When Jennings asked how he could fit 'millions' of friends into his life, the man replies, "When one leaves, it frees up space for another." Ahh....the battle lines within. I think that on occasion I have set myself up for a "twice as bad" kind of hurt. And boy have I felt it. As I type now I constantly wonder what tomorrow may hold as I feel yet another close friend slip through my hands. Its a paradox as I wrestle with the unknown of the future and the well beaten path of pain I feel within. Its unexplainable, yet brims in tears every time it gets the chance.

I guess you could say I am in a funny place. I have no desire to pursue relationships. I like the ones I have. Yes, I know how short lived they will be. And I also know the strength of loneliness that comes in the stillness of complacency. Its the struggle of thanking God for health and walking on, and attempting to demand more without offering anything in return. I guess it just boils down to the fact that nothing comes for free.