Director of First Impressions

Sharon Ozborne

2009-10-07T15:34:00.000-07:00

Patient:(In a British Accent) "Hi, this is Barbara, is my therapist in?"
Me:" No problem, I think he is in an eval, let me check..." (thinking...WOW her accent is JUST like Sharon Ozborne!!!!)
Me: "Sharon, sorry, he's in an eval, can I take a message?"
Her:"My Name is Barbara!"
Me: (Laughing hysterically!)

UPDATE: A REAL not me Monday...

2009-06-08T18:47:00.000-07:00

Sooo....after much ado (I DID NOT make up that word) here I blog once again. (I still owe yall the First Date Fail blog, that should be stinkin funny.....

My "not me Monday" didn't actually start Sunday night, because, well, that would be absurd!
Soo...I did go to my parents house to swim Sunday when all of this did not unfold:
We didn't swim for endless hours under the intense death threats from my dad because Kim and I's terrible aim at pegging Robby with the sponge balls which inadvertently sent them sailing into the paned windows as dad tried to "watch his show."
I definitely did not peg my 5 year old niece (as hard as I could) with one said sponge ball in an effort to deter her from giving Robby ammo to chuck at us as we bobbed up and down in the pool. :)
I did not decide to leave the said pool to dry off when I was distracted by an insightly gangly grad trying to light a fire in the fire pit. I did not then encourage him to make it bigger, and in doing so, almost throw kerosene all over me....and I did not jump up only to send my wonderful green Rumor phone sail right into the DEEP END OF THE POOL! I did NOT panic, and would have never jumped ON the phone in an effort to save it (towel and all) only to push it deeper into the salty depths of moisture. I did not save the said phone and climb out of this said chaos before I realize that said salty phone was lacking the Battery!!! I then did not glance on the bottom of this said pool to see the battery casually holding its breath in the bottom of the deep end. (Kim did not save it)

(To be continued.....Stories of the ER and "p" coming soon!!)

I did not go home later to realize that the centralized hives that covered my arms and legs had now centralized to every inch of my body under my chin. I didn't then go to the ER in fear that it might spread to my face and throat and cause me to stop breathing. We waited about 20 minutes before they brought me into a room and sat me to itch every inch for another wait time. The Nurse Case Practitioner did not walk in, loook me up and down, look again, cock her head to the side and say, "DAMMNNNNNN GIRL!!". Okay, maybe that was a lie, but she DID say it was really bad and didn't know what could have caused it. Then she did not give me the wonderful news that there wasn't anything they could do since I was breathing. Nice. So, I had come up there for nothing. She then DID NOT ask me, "Are you miserable?" To which I thought, "Oh, No, wonderful and the most comfortable Ive been in ages. Just stopped by because there was nothing on TV tonight, and I had plenty of energy to spare so I popped by to see if you had a cause for these gracious beautiful LIFE SUCKING BLOBS ALL OVER MY BODY so I could kindly keep activating it because the men are lining up for dates. In fact, I have such a full schedule that if you could be so kind as to hurry along to find something to IRRITATE it more, I'd greatly appreciate it! (This is the part where I was going to tilt my head to the side and bat my eyes at Rhonda...)" I did not instead repress this monologue to just say "yes, I am very miserable" to which she replies, "Oh, humm....well, theres not anything we can do for you." Ha. Ha. Ha. Really? I didn't stand there in shock as she wrote my discharge papers....It was like her asking, " Oh, small starved orphaned child, do you ever feel alone, or....hungry?" The big ol brown eyed child replies, "Yes, everyday"...eager for a response when... WHAM!!! Rhonda comes along to triumph with her CLIPBOARD and shouts down "THAT SUCKS, there is nothing we can do!!!" Yeah, really. Nurse Case Practitioner fail for you. Empathy Fail too, while your at it, over acheiver!

"Not Me" Tuesday-Dinner Edition

2009-05-19T17:23:00.001-07:00

I did not decide to post a not me Tuesday just because Monday was over and I didn't know how to retro activate a not me Monday.
I did not have hunger pains growling from within and indulge in a Terry's Chocolate Orange instead of making dinner. Then when I dropped some on the kitchen floor, the Germaphobe me, did not pick it up and eat it anyway.
I did not decide to make dinner a couple of hours later and decide to make soup, which is so conveniently in a CAN...and I did not search EVERYWHERE for the DAG-GUM opener (in a 995 sq ft apartment that IS NOT that big) before settling on a frozen pizza instead.
I did not pull out the said pizza mentioned above and find it soooo frost bitten it was warped into a hat shape, and I contemplated eating it anyway until I saw the snowball sized ice crystals formed in the center.
I did not pull out choice number three, pizza bagels, and find that whomever placed them in the box at the time of packaging forgot most of the toppings because a SPRIG of cheese and a DOT of sauce just wont cut it!! I did not force it into the microwave anyway, douse it with more cheese, and burn it into an inedible crisp anyway.
Lastly, I did not decide to eat Ben and Jerries anyway, and consume entirely too much chocolate, again, because that seems to be the only non-frost-bitten or non-can-inhabiting substance in the cotton-pickin apartment. AHHH!

So, Is this a rough draft?

2009-05-17T11:33:00.001-07:00

While sitting in church today (probably not paying attention) I came upon the thought of life being a rough draft. I'm not sure why this analogy came to me, but let me try to explain it to both of my readers. :)
What we do everyday is written as a rough draft. Every action and thought and emotion is etched into our "rough draft." The issue is that no one gets a second chance. No one gets to go through, take out the parts that are painful and insert the lessons that would later be realized. Life is lived word by word, sentence by sentence. As the writer continues, they realize and apply past experiences to things they endure now. My question is how many of us are careful with what we do an say? How many of us run through each day without so much as a second thought to how we impact others? More importantly, how many of us sit and look back on what has already been written instead of USING it now to change how we write in the future? Not sure what was supposed to come out of this analogy, but there is one more thought here. God has a perfect story, that covers ours, no matter what. It was written in fine ink, and there is no reason to re-write....there was no rough draft. Just Him, living His life as He was called.....so we wouldn't have to dwell on our rough drafts....and instead, focus on making the next chapter glorify Him. Interesting...

They Cage The Animals at Night

2009-05-14T15:30:00.000-07:00

I just finished this book a little while ago. Other than the book I read a couple of weeks ago I have not read a book cover to cover in a long time. I find it so interesting how books can lull you way from what you know as 'life' and plop you right into the story...and every line seems to question what you already know as true. This book in particular is about the struggles of a boy as he is pushed from orphanage to orphanage through emotional battles as his mom was ill. Interestingly there were what they call "rules" within these homes. There was also advice shot to him through people throughout this journey that I found particularly interesting.

One piece of advice was given by his first friend he made. He was told to never make any friends, and forget people as soon as they leave because it hurts twice as bad when they are gone. Its interesting because I have struggled with this own "rule" I have placed within myself so that I wouldn't get hurt through the years. He was later given two other bits of advice from friends some years later. The first was that if you never let anyone in, you loose the chance of feeling the joy of having someone know you. You untimely loose the opportunity to feel loss which is worse then never feeling it to begin with. The second person told the boy that he had millions of friends. When Jennings asked how he could fit 'millions' of friends into his life, the man replies, "When one leaves, it frees up space for another." Ahh....the battle lines within. I think that on occasion I have set myself up for a "twice as bad" kind of hurt. And boy have I felt it. As I type now I constantly wonder what tomorrow may hold as I feel yet another close friend slip through my hands. Its a paradox as I wrestle with the unknown of the future and the well beaten path of pain I feel within. Its unexplainable, yet brims in tears every time it gets the chance.

I guess you could say I am in a funny place. I have no desire to pursue relationships. I like the ones I have. Yes, I know how short lived they will be. And I also know the strength of loneliness that comes in the stillness of complacency. Its the struggle of thanking God for health and walking on, and attempting to demand more without offering anything in return. I guess it just boils down to the fact that nothing comes for free.

An Accident Waiting to Happen...

2009-04-21T18:03:00.000-07:00

Just a short post to say....
I bought some roller skates today.
The details will come later....but,
I did fall 4 1/2 times. :)
Ha....and you never thought driving down
Schertz Parkway would be entertaining....LOL!

Ex-Sir-Size...

2009-04-18T13:03:00.000-07:00

So, for some unknown reason I have taken up....excersize!!! I have gained a couple of unwanted pounds and so I decided spontaniously to start running. Let me explain here that I am AGAINST anything that may make me sweat, hurt, or look stupid....and yet, I took up running. It dawned on me that I live terribly close to Schertz Parkway...so I have been sneaking out the back gate and running up to the Elementry school and back. Its almost become compulsive....and so the rain threw me thru a loop, but I lifted weights instead. (Don't be fooled....it was a 5 pound dumbell!)
Today, while walking along Weiderstein road (its a tad woodsy...in fact sometimes I worry that some rabid deer might come and bite me and leave me for dead!) I realized I have been in a much better mood since starting to work out. I look forward to "me-time" to listen to the Ipod and run...and acomlish little running goals....or walk briskly backwards up the hills to make the people in the cars laugh! Its so nice! :) So---Go run. Its good for you!!

Dancing in the rain...

2009-04-17T19:38:00.000-07:00

The inevitable in Texas happened today....it rained. (And last night....and every 10 minutes today....and now...) My usual attire for rainy days is my yellow and blue wellies along with something that might match so that "wa-BANG" people arnt so sad about the rain. I personally look forward to the rain because I get to wear my boots!! So, today was no less, and because I was dressed for the weather, I was nominated by my coworker to catch lunch from Chick-fi-a. Here is a rundown of the events:

I am wearing my boots, my matching slicker, and my not-so-matching orange umbrella and trudge through the swirling rain puddles and out to my car. (It was raining cats and dogs...) I then get to my car and realize some BOZO (me.) parked my car entirely to close to the line, so i could not get into my car with my umbrella without drowning. Heck. So I contemplate, in the road, about walking down to chick-fil-a. (At this point, I think its pretty stinkin funny!) So, I pop my head back into the clinic to announce I will walk because I parked my car to close to another car. Amy throws me the keys to her Pilot. Ha! I then proceed to dance (like a mascot) in the pouring rain whilst singing "Rain Drops Fallin on My head" and Amy nearly pees all over herself. I stopped when I realized she was in MY chair, so I wanted none of that....

So, I walk out to her silver SUV and unlock it and proceed, unsuccessfully, to open the back door. I tugged....and tugged.......and tugged.......until I took a few steps to the side that I was pulling the handle of a "4-Runner" not a "Pilot". This is about when Amy stumbles out in hysterics asking why I am breaking into someone elses car. (and it is STILL raining cats and dogs) Harty-Har-Har-har! After that....

1. I get to the drivethru and cant figure out how to turn down Rascal Flatts in her car. (the knobs were weird!) So then I have to explain to the lady the background music was permanent and I would have to just speak loud and clear.

2. I got to the window, where the lady handed my my lemonade, and I could not find the cup holders. She had stuff all on her console and I couldn't find them, so then I just turned to the lady in the window and explained I couldn't find my cup holders. I'm sure she thought it was insane that I could'nt find cup holders in my own car!!

3. While thanking her I pulled forward and almost killed a man crossing the street. He even half screamed and put his hands in front of his face. :) Hahahaha!! Good thing her brakes work! Ha!

4. Because the cup holders were null and void, I had to put the drinks between my legs and so when I tried to turn the steering wheel would hit the drink and nearly spill it or stop dead. :) Ha!

5. By the time I got back to work it had stopped raining cats and dogs, so nothing eventful there!

Hope you enjoyed my eventful day!!

Sara J.

Director of First Impressions

2009-04-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

I'm not sure why I have chosen this as the title of my blog for now. I guess since its the title of my job at the moment I find it quite fitting. Ironically I don't know that anyone can avoid a first impression, its like a first breath....completely unavoidable. (Unless your some kind of recluse, but I'm sure we will get into spiders another day...) So I'm not sure what makes me a "first impressionist." I just thought it would be fun to blog about MY first impressions of things, weather they are embarrassing, hysterical, boring or just plain odd. (You won't be disappointed, if odd is what your looking for! :) ) So, here we go!
Quote of the Week: "If you are trying to get pregnant, and changing your diet dose not work....then exercising does not work....then taking vitamins don't work....do a LINE of Cocaine....Crack whores ALWAYS get pregnant." - D.L. (I'll have to protect the identity of the one-liner.... :) )