UPDATE: A REAL not me Monday...

Sooo....after much ado (I DID NOT make up that word) here I blog once again. (I still owe yall the First Date Fail blog, that should be stinkin funny.....

My "not me Monday" didn't actually start Sunday night, because, well, that would be absurd!
Soo...I did go to my parents house to swim Sunday when all of this did not unfold:
We didn't swim for endless hours under the intense death threats from my dad because Kim and I's terrible aim at pegging Robby with the sponge balls which inadvertently sent them sailing into the paned windows as dad tried to "watch his show."
I definitely did not peg my 5 year old niece (as hard as I could) with one said sponge ball in an effort to deter her from giving Robby ammo to chuck at us as we bobbed up and down in the pool. :)
I did not decide to leave the said pool to dry off when I was distracted by an insightly gangly grad trying to light a fire in the fire pit. I did not then encourage him to make it bigger, and in doing so, almost throw kerosene all over me....and I did not jump up only to send my wonderful green Rumor phone sail right into the DEEP END OF THE POOL! I did NOT panic, and would have never jumped ON the phone in an effort to save it (towel and all) only to push it deeper into the salty depths of moisture. I did not save the said phone and climb out of this said chaos before I realize that said salty phone was lacking the Battery!!! I then did not glance on the bottom of this said pool to see the battery casually holding its breath in the bottom of the deep end. (Kim did not save it)

(To be continued.....Stories of the ER and "p" coming soon!!)

I did not go home later to realize that the centralized hives that covered my arms and legs had now centralized to every inch of my body under my chin. I didn't then go to the ER in fear that it might spread to my face and throat and cause me to stop breathing. We waited about 20 minutes before they brought me into a room and sat me to itch every inch for another wait time. The Nurse Case Practitioner did not walk in, loook me up and down, look again, cock her head to the side and say, "DAMMNNNNNN GIRL!!". Okay, maybe that was a lie, but she DID say it was really bad and didn't know what could have caused it. Then she did not give me the wonderful news that there wasn't anything they could do since I was breathing. Nice. So, I had come up there for nothing. She then DID NOT ask me, "Are you miserable?" To which I thought, "Oh, No, wonderful and the most comfortable Ive been in ages. Just stopped by because there was nothing on TV tonight, and I had plenty of energy to spare so I popped by to see if you had a cause for these gracious beautiful LIFE SUCKING BLOBS ALL OVER MY BODY so I could kindly keep activating it because the men are lining up for dates. In fact, I have such a full schedule that if you could be so kind as to hurry along to find something to IRRITATE it more, I'd greatly appreciate it! (This is the part where I was going to tilt my head to the side and bat my eyes at Rhonda...)" I did not instead repress this monologue to just say "yes, I am very miserable" to which she replies, "Oh, humm....well, theres not anything we can do for you." Ha. Ha. Ha. Really? I didn't stand there in shock as she wrote my discharge papers....It was like her asking, " Oh, small starved orphaned child, do you ever feel alone, or....hungry?" The big ol brown eyed child replies, "Yes, everyday"...eager for a response when... WHAM!!! Rhonda comes along to triumph with her CLIPBOARD and shouts down "THAT SUCKS, there is nothing we can do!!!" Yeah, really. Nurse Case Practitioner fail for you. Empathy Fail too, while your at it, over acheiver!